Building a Relationship

Imagine that building a relationship is like building something material. A house, a car, a business or career.

Kind of weird, isn’t it? To actually give serious thought to building a relationship on a solid foundation? Who does that?

In my experience as a therapist, most of the people I’ve treated for couples issues got into their marriage (or whatever) without any thought at all. They just sort of … started doing stuff that seemed like fun, going here and there, having sex, drinking and moving in together and being “partners” … whatever … and after a few years of this free-wheeling life style, got married, or had kids or both, and after a while realized they’d made a horrible mistake.

And what exactly was that mistake? Did they pick the wrong person? Did they rush into it? Were they pressured?

Regardless of the kind of mistake, one thing is probably sure. The person who later finds that the relationship has not panned out as he or she expected, experienced a conflict between reasoning and desire. The heart and mind were not in sync.

Yes, desire and passion and excitement are wonderful in a romantic relationship. But if the relationship is lacking a firm foundation in reasoning and practical preparation, the outcome could be disastrous.

Think of the relationship as a house. Before anything else, the house must rest on a firm foundation. Furthermore, every part of the structure, which is made up of many parts, must be connected to the other parts with strong, durable fasteners. And it’s up to the couple to build that foundation and to secure those fasteners together. Each couple would be wise to ask this very important question: what is the foundation of their relationship? What will keep the relationship alive when the storms come along? I sometimes ask couples in trouble, “What is the glue that holds you together? Is it the kids? Religion? Duty? Fear of being alone?”

Sad to say, failure in relationships is largely due to inadequate preparation. Don’t make that mistake. If you are in the process of getting to know someone, and not sure how to build the solid foundation that will help your relationship endure, please feel free to call. The number is 219-309-3928. I’d be honored to be of service.

Thanks for reading!