Conflict # 59 – Abuse & Fear
I’ve provided counseling to numerous victims of sexual, physical and emotional abuse. Their courage and openness have allowed them to provide great insights into the short-term and long-term after-effects of abuse. One such effect is difficulty in handing conflict.
Now, this may seem obvious. But in my experience, the majority of people who have conflict with an abuse survivor do not get it. They can’t see why some people “over-react”. Consequently, they’re frustrated, confused, and, not knowing how to respond properly, they criticize the survivor’s ‘crazy’ behavior, which merely adds fuel to the fire.
Please consider just one idea about past abuse and current conflict. That is, all painful emotions are based in fear.
Much, if not most, of human behavior is driven by emotion – just think of falling in love, voting, and the action of the stock market. While we all experience a wide range of emotions, if you’re an abuse survivor, fear is likely to be a dominant emotion in your life. Thus, it makes sense that many of your actions could be motivated by fear. Like the avoidance of intimacy and close friendships … sticking with a lousy job … staying in an abusive relationship.
Do you mismanage conflict because you’ve been abused? If so, please remember …it’s always connected to fear. And if you wish to live a free and happy life, the fear must be resolved. You may doubt this is possible, but I assure you, countless people have succeeded in this area.
If you’re ready to step out of your comfort zone and seek freedom from fear, ask yourself: Do I truly believe I can be free of fear? Am I willing to try? What am I afraid of? Will it be worth it? What if I were less fearful? What would that cost me?
If you’ve been abused, and you have a hard time coping with conflict, please call 219-309-3928 for a free consultation. I’d be honored to talk to you.
Thanks for reading!