Personality and Character

Have you ever made a mistake in a relationship? Have you hurt or misjudged someone? Have you ever experienced disappointment or betrayal? Whether you’ve been on the giving or the receiving end, you might find this information valuable. 

When it comes to forming close relationships, you – and only you – have the right to decide whom you should get close to. No one has the right to influence you unfairly, even though they might be looking out for you. But, before you share your heart and soul, be wise: go slowly and tread lightly. Don’t rush into anything.

Forming close relationships

We may decide to get close to someone because we like her personality. Maybe we share her musical taste or her love of sports, arts or hobbies. We might have the same sense of humor or we might have friends in common. So, when we’re with her, we feel accepted. So – we think – we could be close friends.

Not so fast. Slow down. If we are not wise, we could make an error in thinking. That error is to believe that just because someone shares your tastes, they also can be trusted, and they care about you on a deeper level – such as, when you’re in trouble, or sick, or just no fun. That is not always true. Find out about the other person’s integrity, honesty, beliefs and values before you get close.

It’s worth taking the time to tell if a person can be trusted. One key is to know the difference between personality and character.

Personality and Character – What’s the Difference?

Personality traits are different from character traits; but they can overlap. For example, sense of humor is a personality trait. But, if it’s exercised cruelly at another’s expense, then it involves the character issue of kindness.

What is Personality?  

It’s mainly about our unique selves and how we appear to others – our looks, tastes, hobbies, skills, jobs, or favorite subjects in school; it’s not about our deep selves, nor is it about how we affect others deeply.

Here are a few Personality Traits and their opposites:

Tense or Easy-going. Shy or Bubbly. Motor-mouth or Slow to speak,Fast-moving or Sluggish.  Clumsyor Graceful. Homorous or Humorless. Emotional or Cool-headed. Well-coordinated or Non-athletic.

  What is Character?  

Character traits affect the self, but they also affect others. Here are some Character Traits and their opposites: Wisdom vs. Foolishness. Integrity vs. Hypocrisy.Honesty vs. Deceit. Sharing / generosity vs. Selfishness / greed. Accepts constructive criticism or Can’t take correction.

Do you want to hang out with someone because he’s funny? Sure. But do you want to lend that person money, just because he’s funny? Of course not! Do you go to the mall with someone because she’s fun to be with? Sure. Will you have that person sleep over at your house, just because she’s fun? I hope not; she might get into your stuff. Don’t let a person get close until you are satisfied about the quality of his character. 

How can you tell if someone has good character? First, see how he acts when he is not getting what he wants, or is getting something he does not want.

Second, notice how she treats people who are “lower” than she is. Serving people, children, the elderly, poor people and so on.

If you tend to be attracted to people of poor character, it may be that you are temporarily unable to see their flaws. That is, the flaws that could end up hurting you.

If you wonder whether this might be true for you, it might be worthwhile to do some self examination. You can get started by listening to informative talks, podcasts, videos and by reading books and articles. But if you would like to address such issues with another person, it might be wise to consult a professional. If that is the case, please feel free to call 219-309-3928 for a free, brief consultation. It would be an honor to be of service.

For more thoughts, see What is Wisdom?

Thanks for reading!