Tolerating Loss

When you hear the word, “permanent”, what comes to mind? Earthly substances, like sand and water? The sun and stars? Precious gems? Gold? Love? Wealth? 

We’ve all heard the phrase, “I’ve got it made.” No more striving or struggling. No more fighting with life. “I’m set!” — Really?

Apart from durable materials, which do not readily degrade, is anything really permanent? Clearly, the answer is no. And yet, we go abut our lives expecting things to last. “Our love is eternal”, say the treasured love songs. “We’re going to change the world forever”, say the political activists. “I’m number 1!”, says the current world champion. “You’ll never amount to anything”, says the abusive, ignorant parent. 

Have we been brainwashed to believe that worldly things are permanent? If so, how do we cope when that belief is destroyed? How does a child cope when his pet dies? When the parents divorce?

The more deeply we believe in earthly permanence, the more intense the disturbance when reality bites. The more we hang our happiness on material objects, people and institutions, the harder we fall after they disappoint us.

Losing something precious and seemingly permanent—whether a long-term relationship, physical health or strength or a missed opportunity – can trigger an emotional crisis. The mind struggles to adapt to the new reality, because our instinct is to demand a restoration of the loss. Thus, we refuse to accept the reality and we cannot let go.

As a result we experience unwanted thoughts and feelings such as regret, sadness, anger, worry and guilt. Our minds might focus too much on what we are missing, on the unfairness of life, on the belief that things are hopeless and we are helpless to change our dismal future. Our thinking can become obsessive, leaving us unable to concentrate. The emotional roller coaster and the constant negative thoughts become exhausting. Some people feel like giving up on life itself.

Since loss is unavoidable, we must learn to respond to it effectively if we wish to live a happy and balanced life. If you have experienced a loss which you have not been able to get over, it may be advisable to work with a professional. Resolution really is  possible. But it’s not easily found by the person who is stuck in the emotional pain. If you’d like to explore how to resolve the emotional upsets of a loss, please feel free to contact me. The number is 219-309-3928. It would be an honor to be of service.

For more thoughts click Refusing to Accept Reality

Thanks for reading!