WHAT’S THE PROBLEM?

The first thing I ask after greeting and having a few pleasant words, is for the client to say what he or she wants to get out of therapy; then, to state the problem.

It might be surprising to know that lots of people who come for counseling have difficulty identifying their problem. This in itself is a problem, as one can clearly see.

The individual is confused because their mind is not clear.

This can happen to anyone. One of my clients was a therapist, herself. When I asked her to name the problem, she froze. She stuttered, looked like the deer staring at headlights and had no idea how to reply. 

How is this possible?  Let’s take a look.

People come for therapy/counseling because they are unhappy. They do not come in order to solve ordinary problems.  They have stopped feeling the way they used to feel, or they’ve never felt good about themselves, and they think it’s time to get help. 

Here’s the thing. The problem always has to do with having an unwanted emotion. All such emotions fall into the categories of sadness, anger or fear. The individual seeking therapy is always – ALWAYS – under the influence of an emotion that falls into one or more of these categories.

People who have problems that require counseling or therapy are usually unable to name  the unpleasant emotion they’re experiencing, and not aware that such emotions are always rooted in one of those big three categories. This is one of the causes of the inability to identify the problem.

The good news is that, with proper and patient coaching, nearly anyone can identify what they are feeling and then state clearly what they want to change. 

And remember this:  counseling and therapy are always about change.

Ideally, what can happen in a therapeutic relationship with a wise and mature therapist, is that the client feels the freedom to explore feelings and to name them and to express them. For men, this can be a special challenge, since men are not trained to express emotion.

It should be clear that this is just the first step in getting help. But it’s a critical step. If you cannot name the problem and how it affects your emotions, change will not happen.

If this speaks to you, and you’re in need of help, please feel free to reach out. I’ve been doing this work since 2001, and there is a good chance I can help. Call for a free brief consultation at 219-309-3928. It would be an honor to be of service.

For more thoughts click Is There a Problem?

Thanks for reading!