Giving Too Much

Two stories; one real life, the other fictional.

The real life story is about a female client, who came for help with depression. She is what some people call a “church lady.” The church was, apart from her family, the center of her life. She cooked for the pot luck lunches and for holiday meals at the church. She volunteered in the food pantry for the poor and collected used clothing for them. She visited the sick, attended worship and Bible study regularly. And yet, she was still depressed. Perhaps her problem was that her life lacked balance, always putting out energy and never looking after herself. She did not understand that giving is not always appropriate. Thus, she was a strong candidate for burn-out.  

The fictional story: a play by Shakespeare, entitle “Timon of Athens”. Timon is rich; he enjoys the good life and hanging out with artists and musicians. He throws lavish parties and supports artists financially. Eventually, he goes broke and all his friends desert him. Like the church lady, Timon failed to realize that giving too much can create problems.

In the Bible book, “Ecclesiastes”, we learn that to everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under Heaven. This ancient teaching holds true today. There is a time to talk and a time to keep quiet. A time to rejoice and a time to grieve. 

Isn’t it strange that, despite the availability of ancient wisdom, we do not learn from it? We live unbalanced lives, too much of this or that. Even too much giving!

We must not overlook another aspect of this problem. That is, the intention behind giving in general, and the impulse behind giving too much. For the church lady, did she give too much because of guilt, the need to be viewed as a virtuous person or an overpriced sense of duty? Did Timon give too much for selfish reasons? To be praised and flattered, and to rub elbows with creative types and VIP’s? 

If you are unhappy and you wonder whether you are giving too much in one situation or relationship, it may be time to look at this. Surely, there are many times to be helpful and generous. But sometimes withholding assistance is more generous than giving it, especially when the receiver of help is able to help him or herself.  In case you have difficulty letting go of the impulse to give too much, and you know it’s leaving you frustrated, sad or angry, it may definitely be time to evaluate those choices. Many people might be able to do this on their own, or with the help of books, videos and other sources. Others might want professional help to sort  out the emotions behind this habit of over-giving. If that is true for you, please feel free to reach out. My phone number is 219 309 3928, and I’ll be glad to provide a short no-cost consultation.

For more thoughts click BALANCE

Thanks for reading!