Honesty with Yourself

Being honest with oneself can be hard; the mind is not necessarily designed to pursue truth, when the truth hurts. It is designed to keep one feeling mentally  stable. Also, to preserve self-worth, maintain a sense of belonging and reduce psychological pain. Those goals often conflict with honest self-examination.

What contributes to self-deception?

Protecting identity
People form conclusions about who they are. They believe they are weak or strong, bad or good, smart, caring,, ugly, helpless, etc. The mind  decides that these beliefs are true, just a scientific fact is true. This is a serious error in thinking. Information that threatens one’s beliefs and identity creates tension.

Habit and inertia
Once people repeat a story about themselves for years, it becomes psychologically expensive to challenge it. “I’m a victim,” “I’m always right,” “I’m the responsible one,” or “I’m fine” can become deeply ingrained narratives.

Avoiding emotional pain
The resulting tension can produce pain that we want to get rid of. The most direct way to feel relief is to deny that the challenging information is true.

Social pressure
Generally, people fear being alone and being left out. We attach to families, workplaces, religions, and political groups. Sometimes self-honesty threatens acceptance or belonging. Being honest with oneself means thinking for oneself, apart from the prejudices of the group. The obstacle to being free of the group influence is the fear of rejection and abandonment.

Short-term comfort vs. long-term growth
Self-honesty often requires change. Change creates uncertainty because we are not sure that the change will make a difference. It may not be worth the effort. 

If you’re not happy and you suspect you’re not being genuine with yourself, here are a few ideas to ponder:

• reflect; look inward
• be willing to tolerate discomfort
• get feedback from one or two trusted friends
• be open to new possibilities
• be patient

Most people who are seriously stuck cannot find their way out completely on their own. If that sounds familiar to you, please feel free to reach out by calling 219-309-3928 for a brief consultation at no cost. I’d be honored to be of help.

For more thoughts click HONESTY

Thanks for reading!