Is There A Problem?

At some point in our lives, most of us are likely to go through a difficult time. Not all of those situations, but some of them, suggest to us that something has got to change. We recognize that there’s a problem, and we want a solution. However, even in the more dire circumstances, there are some people who can not or will not admit that a problem exists.

Now, change is a funny thing. Each of us views it in our own unique way. Some welcome it, while others can’t stand the thought of it.

As you think about your situation, wondering whether something needs to be changed, it will be wise to keep the following thoughts in mind.

You cannot change anything, unless …

• You recognize that a problem exists.
• You believe that change is possible.
• You believe you have enough power and control to influence the situation.
• You believe it’s worth the trouble.
• You are motivated enough to take specific actions that will lead to change – usually that means that the pain of the present problem exceeds the fear of changing.

In the interest of brevity, let’s just take a look at the first statement. In order to make a change, it’s essential to acknowledge that the current situation is, in fact, a problem. Not everyone understands this; a lot of my clients have been amazed to realize that their situation isn’t normal, and it really is a problem. And what surprises them even more is that there is a solution!

For example, imagine an individual who has been abused in childhood, or who has been brought up in a severely dysfunctional family. To them, the abuse / dysfunction has become their ‘normal’; they have no idea that their normal is actually abnormal. Thus, when they grow up, they may not see that the abuse they suffer in their marriage is a problem, or that their spouse’s aggressive parenting style is a problem.

A case in point: a colleague of mine told me about a boy who had gotten into lots of fights at school. As the therapist explained that fighting is a poor solution to conflict with other kids, the boy said, “There ain’t nothin’ wrong with fightin’. Everybody fights.” 

“Everybody.”

“Yeah.” 

“Who is everybody?”

“Everybody! My dad, my mom, by brothers. That’s how we do. We fight, and then it’s over.”

For this boy, fighting was no problem; it was normal. To him, it required no solution.

As you read this material, it must seem that anyone can understand it easily. And yet, when people are stressed, their insight is hampered, and they fail to think clearly.

Anyone could lose sight of what’s really happening when they’re under a lot of stress. If you’re wondering whether your current situation is, indeed, a problem, and whether you have the ability to do something about it,  please call for a brief no-cost consultation. The number is 219-309-3928. I’d be honored to be of service.

Thanks for reading!