Conflict # 30 – Being Right
“Pessimists are usually right, but optimists are happier.” – Anonymous
In a previous article I asked if conflicted parties can aim for a win-win result, instead of competing or fighting. For the sake of argument, let’s agree that this is possible if both people behave like mature adults.
Following up, then, the question before you is this: Can you do that? Or do you always have to be right? Does the other person have to be wrong? Do you have to win?
One of my clients tells me that his wife can be hard to talk to, because “she always has to have the last word”. Even so, she’s still not happy. Is it because when she ‘wins’, her husband ‘loses’, and then he’s unhappy? This in turn affects her. So she enjoys the victory, but the relationship loses.
What can we conclude from this? Maybe being ‘right’ doesn’t always make a person happy. And if you had to pick between being right and being happy, which would you choose?
Here’s a tip from a wise old colleague of mine. He told me that, in disagreeing with his wife, saying, “You could be right” had a very nice effect. Just taking the soft, humble position provided nourishment to the relationship, and to him that was more important than his need to be right.
Which is more important to you: Your feelings and your ego, your need to be right and to win? Or is it the quality of your relationship? If the relationship is what matters most, can you be brave enough to let go of your ego and the need to win? Do you have the humility to learn and to grow?
If you’re ready to do that and you’d like to make a change, please don’t hesitate to call for a free consultation: 219-309-3928 is the number. I’d be more than happy to talk with you.
Thanks for reading!