Conflict # 32 – Preparation, Part 2

A young couple, married for less than a year, came for counseling. In our first session – which turned out to be our last session – I got the sense that these two hardly knew each other. They told me that they had dated in college, got to like each other a lot, and after a while decided it was time to meet the parents. Following the first meeting with her folks, her mom told her daughter to marry him. So they married. And it was not easy.

As we talked, sensing the disconnect between them, I asked, “How well do you know one another? For example, have you talked about love?” Blank stares. To jump-start the conversation, I offered some ideas: Some say love is a feeling. Others say, “love is a verb”, it’s about what you do for another person. Love is commitment, love is sacrifice, love is hard work, etc. She said without hesitating that love is all about emotion. He said, just as firmly, love is about action. They looked at each other in shock.

Although they made another appointment, they cancelled it, because her mother told them to see a counselor that she selected. Yes, this was in the year 2017.

I’ve worked with married couples who never talked about having kids before the wedding day. Here’s what I heard in one case.

She: “I just assumed you wanted kids. Everyone wants kids!”
He: “What do you, mean everyone wants kids? I never wanted to be a dad.”
She: “I can’t believe this. What’s the point of getting married if you don’t want kids?!”
He: “What’s the point of anything? I married you because I love you. That’s all. No kids!”

Amazing, isn’t it? Yet, it’s true. They take one of the biggest steps in life without talking about the most important issue: to have kids or not.

Have you ever avoided asking an important question before making a big decision? If so, did you pay a price? All of us may have had this experience. It’s another one of our weaknesses as human beings, and nothing to be ashamed of. If this has created problems for you and you’re not sure how to get past it, please give me a call at 219-309-3928. I’d be glad to give you a free consultation.

Thanks for reading!