Conflict # 56 – Lend a Hand
In many relationship conflicts one or both of the people are so stressed and exhausted by the fighting, arguing and name-calling, that they both want quick relief. Each one blames the other, and in cases of extreme stubbornness, one person might say, “I’m not changing anything until you do something about _____________________________.” Each one needs the other person to change his/her bad behaviors and to prove that he or she is sincere.
But changing bad habits quickly rarely happens. And that’s not good enough for people who are hurting. They want results! So, what happens when the results don’t show up? People may give up, they continue criticizing, blaming and accusing. More fuel on the fire. And the cycle of negativity rolls on.
The good news? There’s a solution to the cycle of negativity. It has to do with being patient and sensitive enough to notice small improvements – in yourself, and more so in the other person. Remember, the more stressed-out you feel and the more you need relief, the less patient you might be. Impatience will discourage the other person and decrease his / her desire to change. Thus, it’s essential to soothe your agitation when changes are not coming fast enough.
And it’s essential to notice when the other person is making small changes.
When you and the other person have established the bad habits you wish to change, it’s important to review that stuff regularly. Keep your goals in mind. And when you notice the other person improving, even the slightest bit, praise it. Reinforce it. Help the other person to repeat that good habit. That’s how to help him / her to make the changes permanent.
If you’d like to know more about how to get started in this way, please call for a free consultation. The number is 219-309-3928. I’d be honored to talk to you.
Thanks for reading!