Conflict # 58 – Encouragement
In Conflict #56 and #57 you may have read about reinforcing the small helpful changes made by the person you’re fussing with. Once you’ve decided to do that, it works best when you do it right. And there’s a way to do it that works like a charm.
In his wonderful book, “The 5 Love Languages”, Gary Chapman explains that each of us experiences being cared for and appreciated in one (or more) of five different ways.
First, some people get that loving feeling when the other person just wants to spend time with them. It doesn’t matter what they do; just knowing that (s)he wants to be together makes this person feel cared for.
Second, some people like a token of appreciation; even an inexpensive gift will do, as a way to communicate, “I was thinking of you.”
Third, other people need to hear words of affirmation: “Good job!”, “I appreciate you taking care of that; it means a lot to me. You’ve grown so much!”
Fourth, the language of touch. For those people, holding hands while walking or watching a movie, a pat on the back, a hug is all they need to know they’re loved.
Finally, some people feel cared for when others do nice things for them. We call this love language “acts of service”. If that’s your wife’s love language, watch what happens when you volunteer to clean the house for her.
In a close relationship, know your spouse’s or partner’s love language – and yours. Do not make the common error of assuming that his or her love language is the same as yours. And when reinforcing small improvements, use his or her love language. The moment you begin doing this, you will see your relationship blossom.
If you’re curious about how to get started using the love languages, please call 219-309-3928 for a free consultation. I’d be honored to talk to you.
Thanks for reading!