He just does not get it.

Dylan and his wife, Starla May, are living their lives, raising the kids, working, and mainly on auto-pilot. He’s doing fine, as far as he is concerned. He works hard, long hours and makes good money. He does not chase women, doesn’t gamble, and enjoys  his occasional beers, nightly sports and his favorite TV shows. Starla May, however, is not happy. She doesn’t get much attention from him, and he doesn’t help around the house much, except that he is handy at home repairs. He is often tired from overwork, and their love life is stagnant.

The kids spend most of their time in their rooms on their devices. Dylan never did much with them, so they don’t seek him out. He feels like nothing more than a meal ticket to all of them.

When Starla May has reached her  limit, she complains to Dylan about feeling lonely and disconnected. He puts it down to hormones, PMS, moods. Sometimes he throws her a bone just to keep her off his back; flowers, a little gift, a nice night out. This goes on for years, and the more lonely she feels, the more she thinks she will never be happy with him. And she starts mentioning separation and divorce. 

Dylan does not think much about it. After all, he works hard, makes a good living. She can’t get along without him, since she has no marketable skills. No way she’d leave. She can’t. So, Dylan does not take Starla May’s complaints seriously.

Then, one fine day, she tells him to move out. She can’t do this anymore. She wants a divorce. Dylan is stunned. He feels blind-sided. What is she thinking, all of a sudden?! But he gets his stuff together, calls his brother and arranges to stay with him for a while. She’ll come around, he figures. He is mistaken.

This story is all too common. We might wonder why men do not listen to women. In reality the reason may not be relevant. What is relevant is the fact that one of the top predictors of success and failure in relationships is the quality of listening, especially from the male figure. 

Gentlemen, please listen up.  If you are in a relationship with a woman, and you hear her saying that you do not listen, and that she feels disconnected …take her seriously. Do not dismiss or minimize it, or you may end up paying the price I’ve seen so many men pay for their blind stupidity.

If you are in this situation, and if it’s not too late, it may be time to get outside help. I stand ready to step in, incase you would like to get started.  The number to call is (219) 309-3928. It would be an honor to be of service.

For more thoughts click Listening

Thanks for reading!