Conflict # 54 – Why We Fear Conflict
People avoid conflict for lots of reasons, all having to do with anxiety – the fear that something bad could happen. For such folks, the anxiety leads to negative self-talk. Here are some examples:
I’m in trouble.
I can’t win.
This is going to be bad.
I hate this.
I’m about to lose something important.
Oh, no, the relationship is on the rocks.
Something is wrong with me.
Something is wrong with the other person.
I’m not loved – I’m being rejected, I’m left out again.
The fear increases when we believe we are weaker than the other person or group, we doubt ourselves, or we can’t express ourselves. Thus, we conclude that we can’t cope.
Expecting a bad outcome, we automatically go into defensive mode. As explained in Conflict #23 on Defensiveness, the defensiveness can take several forms. Now, the bad news is that defensiveness never produces a resolution. But the good news is that everyone, if they’re willing, can learn to handle conflict with little or no anxiety.
Do you run from conflict? If so, and you’d like to change that habit, please call for a free consultation. The number is 219-309-3928. I’d be honored to talk to you.
Thanks for reading!