ROLE MODELING

I recently got a call from a mother seeking help for her anxious 15 year-old daughter. As the mom talked, it was obvious that she was agitated and tense. She spoke loud and fast and she spoke a lot; it was hard to get a word in. Not wishing to make a snap diagnosis based on a few minutes of conversation, still, it seemed possible that the mother’s tense demeanor might have something to do with her daughter’s anxiety. 

Anxiety and depression can, indeed, be passed from one generation to another, whether it is by genetics or by imitation. This is also true for other kinds of habits of thought and behavior. 

Have you ever heard a parent speak critically of his / her child? As in, “I don’t know about her; she’s just lazy … “Why are you so selfish?” … “How can you be so ungrateful?” … and so on.

Are kids born that way? Is a child born to be a procrastinator? Uncaring? Insensitive? Well, it seems that some kids are naturally more tuned in to people than other kids are. Some kids are naturally more active and interested din learning than other kids are. However, much of our behavior is actually learned; and most of that learning takes place in the home. 

And how do kids learn? Mostly be example and by their own experience. This applies not only to the young, but to adults, as well. 

Let us say that you are in relationship with someone who is acting inappropriately, and you’d like to help that person do better. Which approach would be more effective: to tell the person directly that he / she should act differently? Or to be an example – a role model – of the desired behavior or attitude?

If a child is not doing well at reading, for example, the parent ought to be honest about this. Does the parent read? Or are are the parents’ eyes glued to a screen all evening?

Now, let’s be honest. There are some situations that are so extreme, role modeling will do no good. Those situations require a different approach. However, whether you are a parent or not, have you encountered someone whose behavior was displeasing, inappropriate, or worse – and you have felt frustrated by the inability to do anything about it? Has such a situation affected your happiness? If so, be assured that help is available. Such help might be found in books, podcasts and other sources, to be sure. But if you’d prefer to consult a professional, feel free to reach out. The number is 219-309-3928, for a brief free consultation.

For more thoughts click Personality and Character

Thanks for reading!